The Diplomat

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One of the peculiar things about my townhouse is that my neighbors in the next house over -- the one not attached to mine -- are so close that we can carry on a conversation at normal voice levels from our decks. The people who used to live in that house were wonderful, a retired couple who were from Illinois, moved here years ago, and ultimately retired here.

When I'd be out at the bars right after work on a Thursday and not make it home until 1:30 AM, without fail they would bring my garbage can back up to my garage from the street. They made sure my sprinklers ran when I was out of town. We had quite a few beers together when I'd be outside grilling out. Good people.

They sold their house in March, and the people who bought the house couldn't be more different if they were not even human. Instead of driving a Toyota as their day-to-day car, they both ride Harley's. Yes, both the gentleman and his lady. They have a ridiculous set of lawn furniture on their front porch that has blown into their yard three times in the last three weeks. On Sunday afternoons when I'm watching baseball on TV, they're watching NASCAR.

Oh, and they have this thing parked in front of the house:
thediplomat.jpg

"The Diplomat" is 40 feet long and has a 330 horsepower Cummins Turbo Diesel engine. I know this because its owner told me all about it. He was very proud -- dare I say braggadocio? -- about the fact that it gets "about six miles a gallon!" His words.

40 feet is hard to fathom, so think of it this way -- the amount of grass space between our houses is 38 feet. In other words, when parked in the street the thing overlaps their driveway by a full TWO FEET to avoid blocking mine. Hilarious.

Inside "The Diplomat", they have a 50 inch HDTV, DirecTV, a kitchen table, washer and dryer, a king size bed, a couch, a swiveling recliner, and accent rugs. Accent rugs!

Seriously, there isn't a more ridiculous vehicle in the world. I make a point of asking about it every time I see them. "So, how's The Diplomat?" And instantly I get stories about car washes (he has to go thru semi-truck wash bays), gas stations (most in-town stations don't have large enough clearances for the RV to fit), and my personal fave, the time he tried to go through the ATM and got stuck.

You bet.

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This page contains a single entry by Max Univers published on May 8, 2008 7:40 PM.

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