Well, I finished in fourth place in our Fantasy Football league this year, although if I had played in good faith I would have finished third. How so? Let me explain.
There were 16 teams in our league, split into four divisions with four teams each. I finished with the second best record in the league, but the best team was in my division. So because I was chasing a team that went 12-2, and ultimately finished just behind them at 11-3, I got the fifth seed in the playoffs. Any other division, I'd have been the #2 seed and avoided the juggernaut until the Super Bowl. As the fifth seed, I had to play them in the semifinal...where of course I lost. Badly, in fact.
This cost me $105. The difference between being in another division and being in the "West" was a hundred and five damn dollars.
But I was OK with that, because the numbers we drew to divide into divisions went fair and square, and I knew the rules going in. Can't complain after the fact. Even though the winning owner, a female, named her team "TE Watcher".
What did get my boxers in a bunch was this comment at a party last week from the juggernaut #1 seed:
"You know I haven't watched a game all year? My husband can't believe how lucky I am!"
ANGER SALAD! FLYING NUTTY BARS OF DOOM!
Luck is picking up A.J. Feely off the waiver wire the week he threw for three TDs against the Patriots. Her reasoning? She once dated a guy named A.J. who was kinda cute.
Luck is starting Najeh Davenport in one game all year, in the playoff game against me. The same Najeh Davenport who is the backup running back for the Steelers and has had very few carries all year, and has ridden her bench all season. The same Najeh Davenport who ran for three TDs after the Steelers starting RB broke his leg in the first quarter. Her reasoning? She didn't want to hurt his feelings by not starting him at least one week.
The examples go on and on and on. Horrible. I was the runner-up in the league a year ago, and slipping to third place this year was unsettling enough, but I was OK with it, despite my suspicions that the most dominant team was owned by someone who doesn't even watch football. She was trying to prove a point that someone who knows nothing about the sport and doesn't even watch a single snap of a single game could not just beat but dominate a bunch of guys who watch multiple games a week.
This is like playing chess blindfolded, or Wii with no hands. You're just showing off, and I don't appreciate it. So there was only one thing I could do.
I played the third-place consolation game under protest, and benched my best players, starting my horrible bench in their place. I lost 126-31; if I'd started my regular starters, I'd have won 135-126.
One of the all-time childish acts of my life, to be sure. But it felt good.