I've never been "in" to comic books. This is not to say I don't like them; on the contrary, some of my favorite movies are based on comic book characters. For instance, I'm a big fan of the original Superman movies, or at least, the first two. The third one, with Richard Pryor and the ridiculous SuperComputer, is a bit dated now. And Batman is another of my favorites. Even Judge Dredd has a couple of redeeming moments that, if you time it just right and watch just a couple certain scenes when its on HBO19, make it OK. "I will not obey the law...I AM THE LAW!" Hilarious stuff.
This is not to say all comic book movies are good. Sin City, good. Hellboy, bad. SpiderMan, good. Constantine, bad. I'm fortunate to have as two of my good friends guys who've forgotten more about comics than I've ever known. And whenever one of these movies comes out, I can pick their brain to determine if its worth seeing.
Which brings me to X-Men.
My brother was a big fan of the cartoon years and years ago. He liked Iceman. And Wolverine. But mostly Iceman. So when the original movie came out, we went and saw it in the theater. I was entertained. Good movie.
So when the sequel came out, I wanted to go see it. Only, I never did. Well, not really. Sorta. Kinda. I'll get to that. Anyway, to this day, I still have not seen it. Why? It is one of the great tragedies of my life, and simultaneously, one of my Top 10 Most Awesome Moments.
***
Summer of 2003, X-Men 2 comes out. I'm on a first date with a girl, and she really wants to go see the movie. Weird, I think, for a request from a girl on a first date. But still, I think, hey great, I want to see the movie too, so why not? Awesome, right? Sure, you bet. Dinner goes well, and we get to the theater and something isn't right. I mean, she's all over me. Which is all fine and good, because while I ain't the world's biggest fan of public displays of, um, affection, I won't exactly push it away either. Still, something seems wrong.
We sit down, and as the minutes go by, it becomes more and more clear to me that she is preoccupied with making a scene. Almost like she's trying to make someone jealous. Sure enough, her ex-boyfriend is at the movie -- the ex-boyfriend she's not completely over. Suddenly it all becomes clear as Crystal Gravy, minus the bitchin' Van Hagar song.
She's using me to make this dude jealous, make him see what he's missing out on, and hopefully win him back. She didn't really want to see X-Men, she just knew that's where he'd be at. Nice.
Funny thing is, the ploy worked. He dumped his new girl on the spot and got back with the girl I was with. Here's how it went down: new girl gets up to go to bathroom, old boyfriend makes eye contact with old girl, she gets up to go to bathroom, only she goes and sits down next to him. Turns to me, shrugs her shoulders as if to say "Sorry", and goes on with reconnecting with her former and now again boyfriend. End of story.
I see this happen, and I get up and leave. No way I want to see X-Men so much that I would stay in that theater. To this day my buddies still hold me in reverence for that move.
Now, I suppose the only way this would be more stone cold awesome -- not giving her the satisfaction of staying -- would be to hook up with the jilted girl of the old boyfriend. After all, we would have something in common right off the bat. However, I was in no such mood, and she was in no, um, condition to change my mind. Right.
So I never saw X-Men 2 in the theaters.
Months later, I bought the DVD. Cos I still wanted to see it, you understand. And the damndest thing happened -- at nearly the same point in the opening credits when I left the theater, my DVD player broke. Just completely shut down. With the disc inside. Nice. When I retrieved the disc from the now-permanently broken DVD player, it was scratched beyond play.
A few weeks later, it was on HBO. And about 10 minutes in, my power went out.
You can't make this up.
My buddy Cliff, a HUGE X-Men fan, and I agreed this was a sign I was not meant to see the movie. So I never have.
***
So last Friday, I went to see X-Men 3 with my brother and his wife. Laughing about my trevails with the previous sequel while we were at dinner, we jokingly wondered whether the "Curse" was still intact, or whether it was confined to the second movie.
We get to the theater, and wouldn't you know it, the show we wanted to see was sold out. There was another, 45 minutes later. We bought tickets for that one.
So apparently the curse had weakened to the point of not actually stopping me from seeing the movie, just delaying it.
Good movie, on the whole. I'm told its not as good as the second one, although I may just stomach-punch the next person who tells me that. Or just shake my head and walk away from them.
What would Iceman do? Wait until the end of the third and final movie to finally unleash his powers. Oh, and probably walk away. That too.
You bet.
Leave a comment