Anyone have a gun I can borrow?
Any doubts on whether I had kicked my habit of being a bad sport were dispelled when the White Sox won the American League Pennant last night, and I found myself booing their effort.
Because they're a great, compelling story. And yet I hate them.
This is a team that hasn't won the Series since 1917, or the pennant since 1959. A team that can't even steal headlines from their crosstown rival. A team whose starting pitchers threw four complete games in a row in the ALCS -- their bullpen pitched a total of 2/3 inning. A team from that isn't from the East Coast.
Yet, I can't root for them. These are still the White Sox. They're still the team that Hawk Harrelson announces for. They're still the team with an owner who's such an idiot he won six rings with the Bulls and then broke the team up because his GM was egotistical enough to think he could build another dynasty from scratch, and who singlehandedly spearheaded the 1994 lockout and eventual cancelation of the World Series. They're still the team that threw the 1919 World Series and deserves to never win a Series for it. They're still the team with Frank Thomas, the bitchiest superstar east of San Francisco. Yes, they're still the Bitch Sox.
And the thought of their already obnoxious followers being somehow multiplied by a World Championship? I scarcely dare give it utterance.
Seriously, just shoot me with a .22 right now.
The lesson, as always, is I'm a poor sport, and a sore loser. That will never change. And the more that teams like the White Sox win, the worse it gets.
Last night, when I submitted my article for BeA Design Group on the new Comcast commercials that are re-done bonus rounds from Pyramid, it was about five minutes after I had washed my mouth with a salt-and-vinegar mixture to get rid of the taste of throwing up in my mouth from watching the Sox celebrate and their pig owner, Reinsdorf, accept the trophy.
Seriously, it cannot be mentioned enough that this is the guy who greenlighted the breakup of the 1990's Chicago Bulls.
Anyway, with that still fresh in my mind if not in my mouth, I took a potshot at them in the article. Something like this:
"During FOX's coverage of the baseball playoffs, in between being completely despondant over those dorks from Chicago winning the American League pennant, I've continually seen these new ads for Comcast Cable that, quite frankly, are friggin' sweet."
And it didn't take long, even on a design web site, for the Sox fans to start ripping me.
"Its a fantastic commercial. Although I take serious issue with your swipe at the Sox."
Nice. Keep it coming.
And go Astros.
In case you're wondering, I've taken the advice of Vikings cornerback Antoine Winfield. He told the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, "If I were a fan, I wouldn't watch it anymore. We're not putting anything good on the field, not scoring, not really stopping anybody." Until further notice, the Vikings are off my watch list. They don't deserve my time.
What a bunch of idiots. They need to do one of two things. Fire every single player who was on the Love Boats, and I don't care who they are or how good they are. Or just fire everyone and run the Gophers out there. Better yet, run the Twins out there. Who wouldn't want to see Matt LeCroy bust somebody on the line, maybe throw a pancake or three?
More from the Tom Being A Bad Sport Department:
I found it very amusing to hear one of the ideas Creighton's students are considering for the Birdcage student section t-shirts this year is "Operation Visine".
Because what does Visine do? It gets the Red out.
That's so awesome you don't even know it! There's an inordiCliff amount of hype swelling around the Nebraska basketball program this fall, and its starting to piss me off. This so-called great recruiting class of theirs consists of what, two three-star recruits and a nice JuCo player? Nice, if you've got a coaching staff that can make players better. But their coach has shown only the ability to squander the 1-and-2 star players he's had previously. Why would this be any different? How can you have hype surrounding a program that has never done jack squat? Ever?
When they can win a few road games in the Big 12, maybe win a game or two in their conference tournament, or -- god forbid -- win their first ever NCAA Tournament game, then you can hype them. Until then, shut it because there's better sports stories to cover than their underachieving program.
Seriously, when the best thing you can say about your coach is "at least, he's not Danny Nee", that's not anything to be proud of. That would be like me saying about the Sox winning, "at least, its not Cleveland." Delusionary at best, guzzled and ridiculously insane kool-aid at worst.
Operation Visine. Gah, that cracks me up.
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