Saturday, I spent the entire day in our annual AIGA Board Retreat, where our year-end audit, coming year planning, and other argument-sparking discussions took place. Since I'm prohibited from discussing any of this stuff publicly, we'll pick up our weekend recap at T. Michael's, where Dick and I went for a pitcher after the meeting ended.
I was wondering how the Iowa-Iowa State was going. It should be about halftime, I figured. Even though I was Tivo-ing it, the urge to check the score was just too overwhelming. Glancing at the TV, I saw some goofy guy playing QB for them. I was immediately sure of two things: Continental Tate was injured, and Iowa was losing badly. I didn't even bother looking at it again.
After we finished our pitcher, Dick ran out into the street and jumped into a moving vehicle, which was luckily being driven by his wife.
The Colorado was almost out of gas, so I coasted on fumes to the nearest gas station and filled up. $47.54. Good lord.
Heading over to my brother's house, I turned the radio to the Iowa network, hoping to hear that Continental Tate wasn't hurt badly. Score was 23-3 State, and he only had a concussion and would be back next week. Whatever, on to Saturday Night Good Times!
When I got to my brother's, his wife, her cousin and his wife, her brother and his wife, and another couple were standing in the garage. My brother was playing Matt Univers, Barber Extraordinaire again. This is never good. See, he gets out his Al Borland Men's Grooming Kit, and will cut hair for free. Seems his wife's cousin was so distraught over losing to State, he was going to shave his head. But while he tried to convince his wife to let him, the barber went to work on other people. One guy shaved his chest hair, never putting down his Busch Light. Another guy got a trim. And then the main event...
The Barber Extraordinaire slapped on the #1 guard, and the shaving of the head commenced. The women all went inside, couldn't stand to watch it. The guys all stood around, mesmerized. There's just nothing quite as empowering and entertaining all at once as shaving one's head.
The really sad thing is this guy was going bald, and his hair may never grow back. Such a shame.
But The Barber Extraordinaire did a terrific job, and he actually had a really nice, perfectly round head, so it looked fantastic shaved. Not everyone is so lucky.
***
When the women reemerged, their opinions were split. Two of them loved it, two hated it. Of course the only one who really mattered, his wife, fell on the "hated" side of the ledger. Whoops.
Soon thereafter, my brother's wife decreed for all to hear that we were going to the bar, and they were going to find a woman for me. Her reasoning: because last year at the Iowa-Iowa State game party, the other single guy besides me had hooked up with one of the girls there. So according to her, this year was my turn. Right. That'll happen. And there MIGHT be some John Mayer tunes on my iPod. What's that, there isn't any? Right, my point exactly.
So, on to the bar. Boondockers, 120th and Fort, because it was the closest dive bar to their house. Because Nebraska was on TV, they had free food. Burgers, brats, pasta, all good stuff. And cheap beer. Can't go wrong with that. Besides being a group of black-and-gold clad people in the middle of a bar full of Red, the night was uneventful. Just lots of cheap beer, good times, and good-natured bad times between Iowa and Nebraska fans.
After-Bar-Food with The King followed. And it was good.
Like the commercial says:
Meatnormous. Cheesenormous. Polyfronormous.
You bet.
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