Those burgers I mentioned earlier today? Yeah, I got home from work last night and decided to grill out. Only all the hamburger in my freezer was, well, frozen. So I took out the patties, made by me at some point in the past and then placed in baggies for future enjoyment, and attempted to pry them apart.
Only these things were really, really stuck. I did a no-no and ran them under warm water to loosen the ice, hopefully just enough to wedge a knife in between them to bust 'em apart. But these patties weren't having any of it. I defrosted them in the microwave. Managed to get a few pieces unstuck, which is actually worse, because how do you re-make patties out of frozen matter? And it was 6:54, almost game time.
Back to the fridge. There were two really really old patties, separated by butcher paper because they were store-made. These things were ancient relics from my Q-street days, back when I lived in my old apartment on 99th. But they've been frozen, right, so they're still OK!
No, they weren't This became apparent as I was grilling them, and colors other than red started seeping from the center. I'm arrogant around the grill, and I figured its nothing some heavy seasoning can't fix. Lowry's Seasoned salt, minced onions, clover, you name it. Them puppies were seasoned good. But sometimes you just can't make bad meat taste good.
The Ore-Ida Extra-Crispy Tater Tots were fantastic. Then I bit into the first burger. And the only way I can describe it is to say it was a taste sensation not at all unlike eating a poop burrito off the floor in my college dorm. On a Sunday morning. After people had partied all night.
Just gross.
I ate them anyway. And lemme tell you, when I woke up this morning with glassy eyes and a headache -- after having not consumed alcoholic beverages, mind you -- it was a little concerning. The spinning, the feelings of stomach sickness, the random seeing of spots, all very strange.
Oh well, I'll be alright. Ain't no piece of meat gonna kill me. Its just a little burger, like that's gonna be my downfall. Right.
You bet.
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