Last night, we all went out for a good dinner and drinks at the Fox & Hound English Pub & Grill. Good stuff, if a little pricey. And it was a good time.
When I got home, it had stopped raining for the first time in two days (during a time when I was actually home that is -- Tuesday I went straight from work to volleyball, then out to the bar, and got home at 10:30 in driving rain; yesterday I went straight to the Fox and Hound from work, got home at 9:30) so I decided to make the walk to the mailbox at the corner to get my mail.
I did the strut to the mailbox past the Indians fans across the street -- because my Twins are still ahead of them in the standings, you bet -- and got my mail. Inside the box was this strange contraption. A key. On a big giant plastic keychain.
Now, unfortunately, it was not a key to some hot chick's hotel room. If it was I would totally have pulled The Colorado out and been on my way to wherever. It wasn't even a key to some ugly chick's hotel. I might have entertained the thought of pulling The Colorado out to go on my way to wherever in that event. Would have probably talked myself out of it. But I can't guarantee that.
No, this was a key to the "large package" mailbox at the bottom of the mail center. I had noticed these big boxes earlier when I first moved in and wondered what they were for. Apparently, they're for oversized packages. Good to know.
I'm not expecting any package. Whatever could it be? (Longtime readers will recall the last time this happened; I was still in my apartment and got the ambiguous "you have a package in the office" note). Its really bugging me. I'm curious.
So I take out the key. Mind you, I have had some beers and its dark outside. I can't get the key to open either large box. Won't go. I notice one person has busted off a key in one of the locks, presumably because they had the same problem. So I decide, much to my chagrin, to put the key back in my mailbox and wait until tomorrow when its light out and I have a bit more energy to tackle the problem with thinking.
But now the suspense is killing me. KILLING me. Anyone who knows me is fully aware that I am really really impatient with suspenseful things. When I was a little polyfro, I used to count the days until Christmas when I could finally open all my gifts. Now that I am a grown-up Polyfro, I still can't wait to find out this kind of stuff. People send me gifts through the mail, I want to know what it is right now. Its probably my last real childish trait. The one trait I never grew out of. Despite a decidedly grown-up job in the marketing department of a $200 Million company, despite a very mature brand new pickup truck, and despite an absolutely mature brand new house, I still get like a kid on December 15th over this stuff. Its 10 days to christmas and I can't wait!!
I totally didn't sleep last night. Just couldn't. Got like 10 minutes of shut-eye. With a long day of newsletter writing and design, and preparing a catalog to send to the printer ahead of me. But I can't shake the suspense.
What if its something cool? What if the mailperson takes the key back thinking I've already got my package, and then I never get it? What if Ace Ventura is hiding in there with a lighter, waiting to examine the 1984 Miami Dolphins AFC Championship Ring on my finger when I reach inside the box? What if its a bomb sent by a deranged New Kids fan? What if its a million dollars bill encased in carbonite? What if its a note from the government saying they're going to kill me because I didn't vote for the party in power? What if its a case of Natty Light sent by a fan? What if its a mail-order bride, smashed into a little tiny box? Its really making me anxious. I want to know what it is!!
And so I will go home at lunch and attempt once more to get into the large mail slot, and find out what the heck this package is. Its driving me nuts. What is it???
If I succeed at solving this little mystery, I will document it and report back. Check back this afternoon. Until then stay classy, Midlands.
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