I want to get it on the record my living will wishes. This is not a legal document but its better than nothing.
Number I:
If I should ever lay comatose for a period longer than one month, auction off all of my worldly possessions, aside from my Saturday Night Fever CD, so that I may die free from Affluenza. Then kill me.
Number II:
If I should ever become incapacitated and living off a tube, bring me a greasy cheeseburger and stuff it down my throat so I can choke on its sweet juicy tastyness and die.
Number III:
If you ever catch me watching a Queen Latifah movie, for example, Taxi, instead of going out with friends, pull the plug on me immediately and terminate my life. Please. That's a life not worth living, friends.
Signed,
Max Univers
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