I had no idea that so many people knew the words to "These Dreams" by Heart. I mean, its quite possibly the worst of their mid-80s sellout pop hits from their eponymous album. Recall, Heart is the band that wrote "Barracuda" and then sold their soul for pop success in 1985. Of the half-dozen songs that you couldn't escape from on the radio and MTV, "These Dreams" is the worst. So how shocking was it to be at The Homy Inn on Saturday night and have that song come on the jukebox, and the entire place break out in song during the chorus? That ain't right.
Understand, it was NOT me who played this musical horror on the jukebox. Oh, my table had been trying to get me to program a few bucks worth of Tom-approved songs. But I was either too timid or too lazy to do so. As long as there was beer in my bottle, I wasn't getting up for anything. Now, if someone had played Gerardo ("Rico Suave"), that would be enough to get me up. Outside of that, no chance.
My buddy's quasi-girlfriend was really trying to get me to play Wilson Philips. This prompted my brother and I to bust out laughing, before doing the Chris Farley impersonation of Carnie Wilson ("Lay off me I'm starving!"). I'm telling you right this instant, I'll eat a steaming pile of lizard poop before I play Wilson Philips on a jukebox. Good lord. Why would you do that?
Based on the young arts crowd that generally gathers at the Homy, I'm thinking a playlist of early 90s one hit wonders would be enough to be a jukebox star. My buddy David always plays Television's "Marquee Moon", which while it is a great song, is not the proper selection for a bar jukebox. First of all, its 12 minutes long. Second, no one knows the freaking words to that song. Fine, Tom, so what would you play, you say? Well, I'd play songs everyone knows and can mutually enjoy, without the residual feeling of remorse that might come from playing Wilson Philips.
Spin Doctors ("Two Princes"). Ace of Base ("The Sign" or "Don't Turn Around", your pick). Neneh Cherry ("Buffalo Stance"). Mr. Big ("To Be With You"). Us3 ("Cantaloop: Flip Fantasia"). 4 Non Blondes ("What's Up?"). Blind Melon ("No Rain"). Snow ("Informer"). Divinyls ("I Touch Myself"). You can't go wrong with any of these selections. For people in their mid-twenties, these are songs from our middle school and high school days. We all know the words. Play the songs, sing along, be a fucking star. Do it.
Alas, I elected to play the ass song and sit still while somebody played Heart. What was I thinking?