Its Secret Santa Time here in the office, which means its time for me to put on the office clown hat.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Secret Santa process, here's how it works:
-Everyone fills out a profile form, telling their favorite things
-A drawing is held, and each person is assigned someone to buy shit for
-You go out and using their profile, shop for them (small $2 gifts each day for a week, bigger $10 gift on Friday)
This all works well, except when you have someone like me who lies on their form to make it interesting. Actually, I went for the truth this year, because last year under Favorite Music I listed Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, and Michael Bolton. I got burned when my Secret Santa bought me "A Neil Diamond Christmas". Except for that time I played it on a romantic date while we were looking at christmas lights, that CD has given me absolutely no pleezure. Collects dust, it does.
Sample answers to some questions on this year's form:
Favorite beverage: Beer, all makes and models
Favorite sports teams: Iowa Hawkeyes and Creighton Bluejays
Collections (i.e. Boyds Bears, baseball caps, Precious Moments, etc): No
Hobbies: No comment
Favorite Candy/Snack: Cheez-Its (Yummy!)
Bathroom colors: Orange and Lime Green
Kitchen colors: Hunter Green
Music is again where it gets interesting. There are check boxes for the following genres: Country, Pop, Rock, Oldies, Jazz. So I drew my own check box on the form and labeled it "Rap". And checked it.
Finally, there's a line at the bottom that says "Other". I wrote this:
"Merry Christmas to YOU, my Secret Santa, whoever you are!"
Nothing like getting a final plug in for better presents.
There's a big freaking elephant in the room that I have stalled from discussing. I'm coming to the end of this entry, so I have to acknowledge it now. Here it goes.
The last two years, my assigned person has either been fired or died.
I wish I was making this up. It fills me with feelings of sadness.
Ooh! Someone's got Nilla Wafers! I'll be right back...
OK, man those are good Nilla Wafers. Where was I? Oh yeah.
Two years ago, my assigned person got canned during Secret Santa week. The big gift, an ESPN Bobble Head, went on my toy shelf instead. Oh well. I hated that guy anyway.
The guy I was assigned to last year is now dead. Honest to God. He died tragically of a heart problem in August. So it'll be interesting to see if people run away from getting me as Secret Santa this year.
I should find a black Santa suit and wear it to the final unmasking. Like "Plague Santa" or something. Sounds bitchin' cool, doesn't it? Actually, that would be a really great name for a band.