Back in August, F.O.P. (Friend Of Polyfro) David Kadavy introduced us to the concept of Affluenza. The basic premise being, people have too much stuff. Kind of an anti pop-culture rant.
So, with that in mind, I proudly introduce The Affluenza Christmas Tree!
The move is happening. In five days, I'll be working from a new office. So I have to piss off the moving crew by stacking boxes all the way to the ceiling in a big ol' tower. They'll totally break all of my stuff. But its actually the company's stuff, its not mine anyway, so what do I care?
I have a confession to make. I am not a good designer.
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Let me qualify that. I could be a good graphic designer. Oh, I suppose I have raw talent, waiting to be harnessed. I would not have been able to earn a paycheck as a designer for almost five years on personality alone.
I struggle with things that ought to come easily for a person with five years of experience. One of my good friends teaches a design class at a local university, and he was proudly telling the story of one of his students last week. For the entire semester, this student's work has been really bad. On Tuesday, one class before the final, her logo was still looking bad. By Thursday, this student walked into class with an absolute knockout logo, the best in the class by far. His comment was that "The Light came on for her between Tuesday and Thursday".
I realized as I listened to this that I have never had such a seminal moment. There are days when I see work people I know have done and I say, I don't think I could ever do that. Technically, sure. Conceptually, no way. I would never have an idea that good.
As the weekend draws to a close, I reflect on the fact that I have not done a damn thing. And it is good.
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Friday, I went to the bars. The original plan was to go to a birthday party for a buddy of mine. However, when those plans were delayed, I mosey'd on over across the street for what was supposed to be a temporary visit with my brother and his wife at the Green Onion. Never made it out of that bar. Too many good times. My apologies.
Its Secret Santa Time here in the office, which means its time for me to put on the office clown hat.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Secret Santa process, here's how it works:
-Everyone fills out a profile form, telling their favorite things
-A drawing is held, and each person is assigned someone to buy shit for
-You go out and using their profile, shop for them (small $2 gifts each day for a week, bigger $10 gift on Friday)
This all works well, except when you have someone like me who lies on their form to make it interesting. Actually, I went for the truth this year, because last year under Favorite Music I listed Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow, and Michael Bolton. I got burned when my Secret Santa bought me "A Neil Diamond Christmas". Except for that time I played it on a romantic date while we were looking at christmas lights, that CD has given me absolutely no pleezure. Collects dust, it does.
Sample answers to some questions on this year's form:
Before I get on to some links of things I've laughed at this week, I have to share this story. As my brother and I were riding the Bluejay Express bus to the Creighton game Monday night, we drove by the China Taste restaurant. My brother says, "China Taste? Just a taste, not the whole thing? Well, at least its not named The Great Wall, like 10 million other chinese restaurants."
I replied, "Yeah, why doesn't somebody open one with the tongue-in-cheek name 'Another Brick in The Wall'? That'd be funny as hell. Their commercial jingle could be: 'We don't need no...Kung Pow Chicken. We just want some...rice and beans. All in all, you'll get full, at Another Brick in The Wall.' How funny would that be!"
That's free, folks. Take it, open up a restaurant, use the Pink Floyd jingle, I don't care.
Loyal reader Dick Herculanum sent me these exciting photos of an automobile that spontaneously combusted next door to his house Sunday evening. He tells me not to worry, he did not snap these photos for our amusement until after 9-1-1 had been called. Duly noted.
The cheap foreign sports coupe bursts into flames. Initial diagnosis from the car coroner was that the car saw its reflection in the glass windows of the garage door, and was so happy to finally meet "another" cheap foreign sports coupe that it burst into flames in excitement. The real shame of it is, there never was "another" in the first place; the mirror hath shown a lie. Alas, my friends. Alas.
Here I come to save the daaaaayyyyy! That means the Omaha F.D. is on the wayyyyy! (Sung to the "Mighty Mouse" theme. Tap foot in time if deemed socially acceptable wherever you are reading this.)
The car's fire, and its life precious, are extinguished. Godspeed, cheap foreign sports coupe. Godspeed.
Hey! You've got a flat tire! (Also, a chunk of your engine is laying on the ground. But you're gonna want to put the donut on or else you'll warp your rim. I'm just saying, rims are expensive, that's all.)
As I almost slipped outside on the ice-covered parking lot this morning, I had only one thought: its college basketball season.
So fittingly, my alma mater opens up the exhibition season tonight as Creighton takes on the EA Sports All Stars down at the Qwest Center. My season tickets arrived in the mail last week, so we'll be there in the fourth row once again cheering on the Bluejays. This is the second year I've officially had season tickets; my first year out of college, one of my old professors had tickets he rarely used and would give me. Those seats were in the old Civic Auditorium up in the third balcony. First row though, so you could put your feet up and relax.
The last year at the Civic, the Jays rose as high as #9 in the polls and tickets were hard to come by. I didn't get to use the professors' tix that year; he went to every game. I bought some single ducats, but that gets pricey quick. For the ESPN Bracket Buster game against Fresno State, tickets were so hard to come by I had to go on eBay and buy from a scalper. I was lucky enough to get free tickets to the final game at the Civic, in which me and my friend Nate sat two rows from the top to witness Kyle Korver's last game in Omaha.
So last year, no longer assured of getting free use of season tickets, I bought my own. And choice seats they were. Lower bowl, 4th row. Right behind the basket, where the rowdies sit. Its awesome. Last count, there were 9200 season ticket holders -- crowds last year routinely were over 11,000. It wasn't always this way.
Click here to view the 3-minute clip from the news
Click here to read the accompanying article on their website
Over the weekend, my brother Matt was the subject of a feature on the Channel 6 news here in Omaha. WOWT sent their cameras to Howard Kennedy Elementary on 36th & Ames to follow him as he coached his boys basketball team in the Police Athletic League tournament. Why? Because he kicks that much ass. Actually, because he's the greatest rookie teacher in Omaha. Yes I'm biased. But that's never stopped me before. So yeah, he's freaking awesome. I will not argue this.
They also mic'd him up like they do to coaches on NFL Films; this led to some hilarious soundbytes.
"Man tries to convert lions to Jesus, gets bitten"
Look at that picture. That is easily the most awesome thing I've seen in 6 or 7 hours.
In Taiwan, a man jumped into a Lions Den at the Taipei Zoo and tried to convert the lions to Christ. Honest to whiskey, I'm not making this up.
"Jesus Will Save You! Come bite me!" he yelled. The lion pictured above was happy to oblige.
Editor's Note: The following post originally appeared on BeA Design Group, and was published on November 3, 2004.
And if you disagree, I...will...bite you.
Not really. I don't feel that strongly about it.
We're moving into a new office building, and in the process of cleaning 35 years of stuff, I found a shelf of old cassettes. One of them, though, stands out for its sheer quality of good design (sic).
I'm talking of course about Europe's "The Final Countdown".
OK, so Omaha's city logo has intruded onto the traditional "I Voted Today" sticker. There's a social comment to be made here, but I'm sure David Kadavy will be much better at it than me, and I bet he's already doing so. Some things are best left to the experts.
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Yes, I voted (no, seriously I didn't, I just conned the old geezer manning the booth to give me a sticker anyway). I was one of probably 15 people in Nebraska to vote for someone other than W. That makes me feel special. Especially when Kerry wins, and I backed the right horse. I promise there won't be any gloating here though. Promise.
Last night we went out for Monday 30-cent wing night, which is becoming a weekly tradition (the waitress knows us all by name at this point). The discussion turned to the election, and a funny thing happened. The entire table was voting for Kerry. With that out in the clear, it was open season on Bushie. It got pretty wild, between serious policy discussions and bad impressions of Will Ferrell impersonating W. One cowboy had heard enough and sat down at our table, sure he could convince us otherwise, willing to go outside to settle it. Not necessary, sir. I am of sound mind, and firm spirit, and cannot be convinced. Save your strength for crying when Iowa State puts a whuppin' on your Huskers this weekend.
Hope you all had a good Halloween! Me, for sure. Venkman and Stantz rode ECTO-1 into the Spotlight Club, where we danced the night away with all the ladies and nearly won the prize for best costume. $1.50 draws all night kept the suds in good supply, and people enamored with the Ghostbusters kept the discussions in good supply too.
I personally have never been able to laugh off rejection so ably. Holy other Van Halen lead singer, Batman, I heard every line in the book.
-Sorry, my friends are waiting for me;
-I'll be right back;
-I'll catch you later;
-I need another drink;
-I'm "on the other team";
-If you were dressed as Vanilla Ice, maybe;
-My ex-boyfriend couldn't afford cable (explains why she didn't get my obscure pop culture references)
-Here's my number (note: it was phony);
-You suck.
I officially gave up the chances of securing digits from anyone about 11. I had been rejected enough. Why? I don't get it. Whatever. They can have their losers, their punk ass bitches with low-paying jobs, their bad-costume dopes. The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Halloween Marathon is on, and you can't watch it cos your boyfriend can't afford cable. (.
Ahhh. There, that's better.
