The World's Biggest Darr made an appearance at the bar last night. Which brings up two questions:
1) What is a Darr;
2) Who is the World's Biggest?
Well, a Darr is a person who reeks of assiness, who inspires everyone they meet to at least consider murdering them. In short, a Darr is such a person that you say, "Man, there needs to be a better word for Ass." Fear not, bloggers, as I have invented such a word. The word Darr comes from Darr Road, accessible via Exit 43 outside Grand Island. I've heard there is also a Darr Road in Pittsburgh, so you Steelers know what I'm talking about too.
The World's Biggest Darr is a little punk, who, for the purposes of this blog, will be referred to as Darr Z.
Darr Z made an appearance at the RedEye last night -- crashed our party. He's a student with no friends. I wanted to feel sorry for the guy when I first had the displeeesure of meeting him. I thought back to what Dr.Angus told me in his book. "Wayyy to Gooooo!". (Incidentally, the good Doc is close to being known as Dr.Darr for putting that damn soundbite in my head. Can't get rid of it!). So like Dr. Angus, I said, would you like to talk to the King? Respect the King, respect the crown! He said he'd shot the King, something about hating monarchies and wishing for their demise.
Anyway, after like 5 minutes of this crap, I discerned why the Darr had no friends -- he is a social retard. Good lord. He's like 80-grit sandpaper on glass.
Now, occasionally, the guy finds out where we're out drinking and will invite himself in. Last night was such a night. And in the span of 2 hours, he pissed off no fewer than 6 people. The scorebook looked like this:
1 & 2: Told a guy and his wife who recently moved from NYC that if you can't find a design job here in Omaha, you must really suck.
3: Forced one girl to leave by sitting next to her, and presumably Darring it up big time.
4: Scared away the guy sponsoring our night out by telling him that all people in Florida are stupid hillbillies. The sponsor lived in Florida for 10 years, and when he left, he pulled me aside and instructed me not to spend any of the leftover money on the Darr.
5: Argued that his cards he entered in AIGA Nebraska's Design the Hand You're Dealt competition were the best. Darr Z used Comic Sans, and layed them out using Publisher. He argued so vehemently that one of my good friends wanted to kick him in the Darrnads.
6: Spilled a drink all over one of my friend's girl. Specifically, all over her shirt. Then, he wanted to help wipe it up.
You lose, Darr Z. To quote the movie They Live:
"I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass . . . and I'm all out of bubble gum"
I hold no trademarks on this new word, feel free to use it liberally to describe all losers you come across in this journey we call life. It won't change the fact that the person is a Tool, but it might make you feel better.
Unless you are, in fact, a Darr yourself, in which case, I hope when you're 40 your first sexual experience results in a scorching case of herpes.
Have a nice day!