Take Me To Jail, Bitch
Tomorrow after I get home from work, I will commit a heinous crime that will land me in hot water with the County Attorney. Will I be killing some stupid homeless person? Will I put a mexican firecracker between the hind legs of a bunny rabbit and blow it to pieces? Or perhaps purchase some heroin from the Jimmy The Needle, down on the corner? Nah, those are all worthwhile criminal activities, but no, the crime I will be committing will be grilling a burger on my gas grill on my apartment patio. Blink. Blink. You're fudgin' kidding me right? I wish I was.
"Under the new rules, "no hibachi, gas-fired grill, charcoal grill or other similar devices used for cooking, heating or any other purpose shall be used or kindled on any balcony or under any overhanging portion or within 10 feet of any structure." State Fire Marshal Dennis C. Hohbein said the change in the fire code, signed by Gov. Mike Johanns, came about after a series of public hearings. It follows the recommendations of the National Fire Protection Association's 2000 Life Safety Code." That from today's Omaha Weird-Herald. Bitches. So who's face will I be pretending when I continue to grill out after the ban? Well, Governor Johanns seems like a nice choice. (Thanks to my 6-year old cousin for the devil illustration. You freakin' rock, buddy) That's right. You want to stop me from grilling, haul me off to jail bitch. There is hope though. The Seattle-Tacoma metro area tried a similar ban in June, and after much protesting, the ban was repealed. That ban went even further and banned Christmas Trees in apartments. Thank God they got rid of that one. What's next? Mandatory euthenizing of puppies? Good lord. Welcome to George Bushes America. Home of $2 gas, unnecessary wars, and a ban on grills in apartment balconies. Makes a person long for the days of Daddy Bush. At least I could afford to put gas in my car to drive to the store for meat to grill out. In Juniors America, one is getting closer to reality, the other, now illegal. Its a traveshamockery. Have a nice day.
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