April 2009 Archives

Time to Get Properly Pumped

By
Max Univers
on April 9, 2009 11:37 AM |
Announcer: Good evening. And welcome again to "Pumping Up With Klaus & Mouse", the informative training program for the serious weightlifter. 

Mouse: Hello! We're back! 

Klaus: I am Klaus. 

Mouse: And I am Mouse. 

Together: And we just want to.. Pump.. [ clap ] ..you up! 

Klaus: Alright. But before we can pump you up tonight, we have to answer a piece of viewer mail. 

Mouse: Ya. Ya. This is a letter we received from a Max Univers. I'll only read an excerpt, so I don't go into his loser details. "Dear Klaus & Mouse: I have recently seen your.. mo-.. mo-" 

Klaus: Moronic. 

Mouse: "...Your moronic show, and have wondered why you don't open your own gym to train basketball players. Maybe you are too stupid." [ crumples letter ] You know, maybe you thought this letter would make us angry; but it only makes us sad. 

Klaus: Really, ya. We are sad, you know, because anyone who calls us "stupid" is really just jealous. Because their coach looks at us, then looks at his players, and realzies his team is full of little girly-men! 

Mouse: Ya. Ya, girly-men. Hear me now and believe me later - but don't think about it ever, because, if you try to think, you might cause a flabalanche! 

Klaus: Ya! 

Mouse: Poor little girly-men, alone in their hilltop girly-gym! 

Klaus: Sorry, Mr. Girly-Man, but here's a treat for your fans! 

[ Klaus & Mouse flex their muscles egotistically ] 

Klaus: Alright. 

Mouse: Oh, and thank you so much for the letter. [ puts crumpled letter in his mouth and swallows ] 

Klaus: Ya! Ya, don't think for a minute he's not eating it, because believe me he is! 

Mouse: That was one delicious piece of girly-man. 

Klaus: Ya! You know, but we're not here to eat. We're here to... 

Together: Pump.. [ clap ] ..you up!

(Based on an original script from Saturday Night Live)
Continue reading Time to Get Properly Pumped.

Cavel Witter Leaves Team

By
Max Univers
on April 5, 2009 1:01 AM |
Rumors that junior guard Cavel Witter would be leaving the Jays at the end of the season have been rampant for weeks. Now that those rumors have been corroborated by actual sources contacted by actual reporters, and Witter has in fact made it official that he will transfer for his senior season, its no longer mere speculation, so lets examine it a bit further.

Witter transfered into Creighton from the Kansas City area, a juco player in the same recruiting class as Booker Woodfox -- although Witter played just one season in juco. Lost in all of the Booker talk was the fact that, before this past season, if you had to pick a player to have a breakout season, you'd have likely tabbed Witter over Woodfox. I know I would have. Their 2007-08 campaigns showed Woodfox to be a solid if unspectacular player, and Witter to be an explosive if inconsistent player.

Unfortunately, we know how the story ends: Woodfox became the MVC Player of the Year and an All-American, while Witter became buried on the bench and will not even finish his eligibility at Creighton.

He was never a fabulous defender, and his style of point guard play was a change-up from the standard pass-first style Dana Altman traditionally recruits, but man, could Witter score when he was hot! For a player who was never a regular starter, his ability to score played a huge role in three of the biggest wins of his two seasons at Creighton.
Continue reading Cavel Witter Leaves Team.

Kenneth Elaborates...Sorta

By
Max Univers
on April 1, 2009 12:42 PM |
So, apparently Kenneth Kenny "Doc" Sadler is taking some heat over his comments about how playing Creighton does them no good. No less a source than Kenneth himself told the media that he's received emails and calls from "tons of folks" upset at both his tone and his words. He sat down with KETV to elaborate, and presumably, have the chance to backtrack.

But this being Kenneth, he offered no apologies, instead expanding his comments and digging an even deeper hole for himself with both Bluejay fans and, apparently, level-headed Huskers too.

You can watch the interview here, and you should, because the circuitous route he takes in explaining himself is fascinating. I'm not sure what he means by saying the Huskers would be better off playing Duke than Creighton, because that's a horrible analogy. Given their pedigree, pretty much everyone would be better off playing Duke. But Duke isn't gonna play Nebraska any more than they're going to play Creighton -- or pretty much any team is either of their conferences, for that matter.

Be sure not to miss his little white lie at the very beginning where he changes his story to claim the entire conversation started after a question about playing TWICE A YEAR. If that's actually true, than either the reporter (and every media outlet in Nebraska) is lying, or Kenneth has changed his story to paint himself in a better light. I don't know which and I won't speculate. But someone is not being truthful here.

Oh, and I've heard Dana Altman say on multiple occasions, both in person and in print, that he'd like to play twice, so for Kenneth to claim Dana has told him otherwise in private is insulting, disingenuous and wrong.

I did have a good laugh towards the end, though, as he tries so valiantly to pitch himself as a philanthropist, playing Creighton out of the kindness of his heart. That's gold.
Continue reading Kenneth Elaborates...Sorta.
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Max Univers (not his real name) is a graphic designer and author of two books, neither of which you’ve probably heard of. A 2001 graduate of Creighton University’s Journalism program, Max takes time out of his busy nightlife to share his thoughts on Jays hoops here during the season.

Why Univers? Its his favorite font, plus it just sounds really cool as a surname.

Why Polyfro? Years and years ago, Max had a giant afro wig that he wore as part of a Halloween costume. Not wishing to retire its giant fro awesomeness after the holiday, he began wearing the wig out in public as part of his everyday ensemble. One night at a dance club, the DJ called out the moniker over the soundsystem. Max thought it sounded cool, and purchased the URL shortly thereafter.

More questions? Send me an email: max-at-polyfro-dot-com. I like jokes, story tips, and generally all correspondence involving Bluejay athletics. Emails that point out how stupid I am and/or where I should go after I die are not encouraged.

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This page is an archive of entries from April 2009 listed from newest to oldest.

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