I'm prone to exaggeration. Its just what I do. When I was growing up, my brother and I would make fun of our Dad for exaggerating stories, and yet here I am, 30 years old, and I do the same thing. Oh, I try to catch myself when I can, and I'm getting better at staying true to the facts. But then I go and do something stupid like declaring Arkansas Pine-Bluff "The Worst Team Ever".
Folks, this is not exaggeration: Southern is the worst team in Division 1. That's not me saying that. Real Time RPI says that. There's 343 teams in Division 1, and Southern is #343. They're the worst, and the amazing thing is, they've got a two-tenths point buffer between them and the next worst team, North Carolina Central. Its like Huey Lewis once sang, sometimes Bad is Bad.
Incidentally, Arkansas Pine-Bluff is currently #189, but that's mostly due to their schedule strength being the fourth toughest in the country. I suspect they'll be giving Southern a run for their money before all is said and done.
My first year at Creighton, the Jays hosted Southern in late December and I remember attending the game the night before heading home for Winter Break. The Jays had five players score in double-digits en route to a 100-78 win. Check out these outrageous individual performances from that game. Rodney Buford had a monster game with 15 points and 10 rebounds, while the inimitable Kevin Mungin led the team with 18 points in only 16 minutes of play. Ryan Sears, as a freshman, had 9 points AND TEN ASSISTS. Joel Templeman had 7 points and 8 rebounds. Doug Swenson chipped in 12 points in just 13 minutes, while Matt West and Cliff Bates had 11 each.
The Jays were ahead 52-26 at the half, and played a rotation of mostly second-tier players plus Rodney Buford the entire second half, because Rodney was Rodney and you'd be ripping off the 3,215 fans in attendance if he didn't play his 30 minutes. The Jays were actually outscored 52-48 in that second half, and although there's no record of it, I'm sure Dana Altman said the team "has to get better, we're just not tough enough and I'm really disappointed in our effort."
One Big Paragraph With Lots O'Dots (TM): Southern is picked to finish fourth in the SWAC, which is kind of like being picked to finish...ah hell, there is no analogous comparison to that scenario. The SWAC is bad, so much so that even when you win the league (see: Mississippi Valley State), you still get less respect than Rodney Dangerfield. At least Rodney was funny on purpose ... The Jaguars are the rare SWAC team to have played home games this early in the season, but it hasn't helped their record. Southern is 0-7 while playing the 325th toughest schedule, with games against a bevy of schools with names that sound made-up. Touglaoo College sounds like something from an Adam Sandler movie. Talladega College and Southeastern University have also fattened up on the Jaguars, while respectable programs like Baylor and New Orleans have also beaten them. Oh, and they've already completed the rare home-and-home in the same season with Nicholls State, losing both games ... Southern shoots 38.5 percent as a team overall, and 37.8 percent behind the three-point arc. The Jaguars also shoot 63.5 percent from the free-throw line. SU averages 60.0 points per game but surrenders 73.7 per contest on the other end.
The Last Time They Played: The game I described above is actually the last time the Jays and Southern played. If you skimmed over it because "that's too many words to read on a Monday" I suggest you go read it now. I'm giving you a second chance before I come to your place of work, force you to eat a Slim Jim, and make you read it. Look, I'm in my fourth week of not working, and I've really got nothing better to do, so if you don't think I won't do it, you're sorely mistaken. I welcome the excuse to leave my house. Try me.
Gratuitous Linkage: In honor of Southern, I give you FAIL Blog. Because as a basketball team, Southern is FAIL.
Official Gametime Snack: Tonight is a pizza night, because its damn cold outside. Its the kind of cold that makes those scenes in Zombie movies from the 1950s where bodily extremities drop off torsos at alarming rates seem actually...plausible. I've wondered on days like today if my fingers might actually snap off from the cold. The lesson as always is that I'm an idiot. Eat some pizza, either Freschetta's from the Qwest Center booth or Zio's downtown. Do that and you can't lose, just like Southern can't win.
The totally random song I'd play right now if I were still a radio DJ: In honor of 1997, the last time the teams met, I give you R. Kelly's annoying hit "I Believe I Can Fly". You're welcome.
True story to segue you into that song: I searched on iTunes for "1997", and the first search result was this song. True story. Hey, remember when R. Kelly wasn't creepy? So do I. It was 1997. Suddenly that seems so much longer ago than it did two sentences ago.
Prediction: Jays 105, Southern 54. Astute readers will note this is the same score I predicted for Saturday's game against Northern Colorado. Odds are eventually I'll be right, and I like my odds tonight.
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