Mercifully, the Jays did not play the Golden Lions of Arkansas Pine-Bluff last year. Two years ago, the Jays defeated them 74-39, and after watching their atrocious attempt at "playing basketball", I declared the Golden Lions to be The Worst Team Ever. You might have blocked out the reasons why I made such a bold declaration, and I wouldn't blame you if you did. Here's what I wrote after the game:
I don't know about you, but it kind of makes me excited to see what they do for a follow up. Maybe they'll miss their first 20 shots of the second half. Easy shooter, don't mock them...everyone has to have goals, no matter how modest.
Arkansas Pine-Bluff is a Division I school, but they exist in a different reality from much of the rest of D1. The Golden Lions will not play a home game until January when they open conference play, and are in the midst of an 11-city road trip that started last week and ends in 2009. Along the way, they'll take on Colorado, Texas A&M, Missouri, Georgia Tech, Purdue, Nebraska, and tonight, Creighton.
Their athletic director makes no bones about it: they're taking the idea of guarantee games to a new level. He told the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette that they're "kind of stuck in that vicious cycle. The men's basketball makes so much money through guaranteed games that to sustain a budget, it's kind of the only way possible. They have to take one for the team."
The Golden Lions shot 20.6 percent from the field, a new Qwest Center low. But this does not do their tremendous effort justice. They missed their first 17 shots of the second half, and at that point (the 8-minute mark), their shooting percentage for the game was -- this is not a typo -- 17%. 7 for their first 41 shots went in. The score was 28-16 at the half, and when they finally scored another point on a free throw at the 12:41 mark, it was 47-16. That's a 19-0 run, folks. Better yet, by the time their first field goal went in at the 8:17 mark, it was 56-21.
At the 2 minute warning, the Golden Lions had 29 points. That's right, in 38 minutes of basketball, they managed 29 points. Awesome. A late flurry against the mop-up squad got them 10 points in 2 minutes, and no doubt made the flight back to Arkansas a lot easier to stomach.
I don't know about you, but it kind of makes me excited to see what they do for a follow up. Maybe they'll miss their first 20 shots of the second half. Easy shooter, don't mock them...everyone has to have goals, no matter how modest.
*****
Arkansas Pine-Bluff is a Division I school, but they exist in a different reality from much of the rest of D1. The Golden Lions will not play a home game until January when they open conference play, and are in the midst of an 11-city road trip that started last week and ends in 2009. Along the way, they'll take on Colorado, Texas A&M, Missouri, Georgia Tech, Purdue, Nebraska, and tonight, Creighton.
Their athletic director makes no bones about it: they're taking the idea of guarantee games to a new level. He told the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette that they're "kind of stuck in that vicious cycle. The men's basketball makes so much money through guaranteed games that to sustain a budget, it's kind of the only way possible. They have to take one for the team."
The Golden Lions will rake in $715,000 for the eleven guarantee games,
so named because the home team "guarantees" the visiting school a
substantial paycheck for playing the game. Jaded fans think the
guarantee stands for something else: a "guarantee" of a win for the
team paying out the money.
Arkansas Pine-Bluff will make between $70,000 and $80,000 on each night of the road trip, which bankrolls the entire athletic department. This fact means the head coach is less coach than he is fundraiser and scheduler -- every summer, the AD tells the coach how much they need to bring in via guarantee games, and its up to the coach to find enough games to meet the budget. Hence the eleven city road trip.
All of this is why I made the comment in the first paragraph that Arkansas Pine-Bluff exists in a different reality from teams in the Top 150 of D1. Instead of developing a schedule that gives their team the best chance for success and ultimately prepares them for what they hope is an NCAA Tournament run, UAPB develops a schedule that pays the bills. That schedule leaves them little chance for success, but they're not really in the business of winning games.
They'll be lucky to be 1-10 when they play their first home game. You could even say they'd be fortunate to be 1-10, because odds are, they'll be winless. But at least they'll be able to pay their bills.
One Big Paragraph with Lots O'Dots (TM): Arkansas Pine-Bluff was picked to finish second in the SWAC last year, but stumbled to a 13-18 record that led to the departure of coach Van Holt...Their average RPI over the last five years is a staggering 291, with a high of 267 and a low of 326...Creighton has beaten them three times since 2004, by an average of 31 points...The Golden Lions return seven players, but just one starter, and they have just one player back who averaged double-figures in points...New coach George Ivory wants to play a more up-tempo style than his predecessor, but their early schedule and lack of talent will make that difficult in his first year.
The Last Time They Played: Creighton mercifully did not play UAPB last year. Two years ago, Creighton won 74-39 and I declared the Golden Lions to be the worst team ever. See above.
Game Notes:
Creighton
Arkansas Pine-Bluff
Gratuitous Linkage: Chuck Klosterman reviews Chinese Democracy. You might remember when he wrote the fake review on April Fools Day two years ago, and how awesome an article THAT was. Well, somehow, the real review manages to top it.
Seriously, who writes that? I'm so jealous right now you shouldn't make any sudden movements around me for five or ten minutes. I might snap.
Official Gametime Snack: Reeces Pieces. Everyone forgets this now, but Reeces Pieces are freaking DOMINANT. I subsided on little else for weeks after E.T. came out when I was a kid. And yes, I know you can't buy them at the Qwest Center. You'll have to smuggle them in. Contraband Reeces Pieces are the only thing better than Legally Obtained Reeces Pieces. And if security searched your person and tries to confiscate them, tell them the Jays are playing Arkansas Pine-Bluff and therefore M&M's won't do. You deserve chocolate AND peanut butter for having to sit through this game. And if that excuse doesn't work, do a better job of hiding them next time.
The totally random song I'd play right now if I were still a radio DJ: "The Search is Over" by Survivor
True story to segue you into that song: Everyone thinks Survivor was/is a one hit wonder, but its just not true. They had like five or six solid hits, not the least of which is "The Search is Over", their chart-topping ballad. I'd love to make some giant arching metaphor about how I picked this song because after tonight the search for the worst team in America will be over, but in reality, its just the first song that came up on a "Random Shuffle" of my iPod just now. Sadly, that's all I got today.
Prediction: Jays 87, UAPB much much less
Arkansas Pine-Bluff will make between $70,000 and $80,000 on each night of the road trip, which bankrolls the entire athletic department. This fact means the head coach is less coach than he is fundraiser and scheduler -- every summer, the AD tells the coach how much they need to bring in via guarantee games, and its up to the coach to find enough games to meet the budget. Hence the eleven city road trip.
All of this is why I made the comment in the first paragraph that Arkansas Pine-Bluff exists in a different reality from teams in the Top 150 of D1. Instead of developing a schedule that gives their team the best chance for success and ultimately prepares them for what they hope is an NCAA Tournament run, UAPB develops a schedule that pays the bills. That schedule leaves them little chance for success, but they're not really in the business of winning games.
They'll be lucky to be 1-10 when they play their first home game. You could even say they'd be fortunate to be 1-10, because odds are, they'll be winless. But at least they'll be able to pay their bills.
One Big Paragraph with Lots O'Dots (TM): Arkansas Pine-Bluff was picked to finish second in the SWAC last year, but stumbled to a 13-18 record that led to the departure of coach Van Holt...Their average RPI over the last five years is a staggering 291, with a high of 267 and a low of 326...Creighton has beaten them three times since 2004, by an average of 31 points...The Golden Lions return seven players, but just one starter, and they have just one player back who averaged double-figures in points...New coach George Ivory wants to play a more up-tempo style than his predecessor, but their early schedule and lack of talent will make that difficult in his first year.
The Last Time They Played: Creighton mercifully did not play UAPB last year. Two years ago, Creighton won 74-39 and I declared the Golden Lions to be the worst team ever. See above.
Game Notes:
Creighton
Arkansas Pine-Bluff
Gratuitous Linkage: Chuck Klosterman reviews Chinese Democracy. You might remember when he wrote the fake review on April Fools Day two years ago, and how awesome an article THAT was. Well, somehow, the real review manages to top it.
Reviewing Chinese Democracy is not like reviewing music. It's more like reviewing a unicorn. Should I primarily be blown away that it exists at all? Am I supposed to compare it to conventional horses? To a rhinoceros? Does its pre-existing mythology impact its actual value, or must it be examined inside a cultural vacuum, as if this creature is no more (or less) special than the remainder of the animal kingdom?
Seriously, who writes that? I'm so jealous right now you shouldn't make any sudden movements around me for five or ten minutes. I might snap.
Official Gametime Snack: Reeces Pieces. Everyone forgets this now, but Reeces Pieces are freaking DOMINANT. I subsided on little else for weeks after E.T. came out when I was a kid. And yes, I know you can't buy them at the Qwest Center. You'll have to smuggle them in. Contraband Reeces Pieces are the only thing better than Legally Obtained Reeces Pieces. And if security searched your person and tries to confiscate them, tell them the Jays are playing Arkansas Pine-Bluff and therefore M&M's won't do. You deserve chocolate AND peanut butter for having to sit through this game. And if that excuse doesn't work, do a better job of hiding them next time.
The totally random song I'd play right now if I were still a radio DJ: "The Search is Over" by Survivor
True story to segue you into that song: Everyone thinks Survivor was/is a one hit wonder, but its just not true. They had like five or six solid hits, not the least of which is "The Search is Over", their chart-topping ballad. I'd love to make some giant arching metaphor about how I picked this song because after tonight the search for the worst team in America will be over, but in reality, its just the first song that came up on a "Random Shuffle" of my iPod just now. Sadly, that's all I got today.
Prediction: Jays 87, UAPB much much less
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