I have to be brutally honest with you here. Tonight's game, the second consecutive against a first-year D1 team, does not excite me. In fact, I don't mind tellin' ya I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out a way to properly preview the carnage our eyeballs will endure upon viewing this game. Here's what I came up with:
A few years ago, I went to a graphic design conference in Austin, Texas and a couple of nights before I left, I bought an eight-piece chicken pack from Wal-Mart. I ate half of it, and put the rest in the fridge for later. When I left for Texas, it was still in there, and during the six days I was gone, the power went out in my apartment. When it came back on, the ensuing power surge fried something electrical in the fridge, causing it not to come back on. Everything in the fridge spoled, but the most offensive odor was that chicken.
When I returned to Omaha, I smelled something offensive in the hallway. Assuming it was my neighbors again, I hurried into my unit because it was really bad -- if Andrew Dice Clay was a stench, it would have smelled a lot like that. Because, you know, it started out OK, even mildly amusing for a moment, and then all of a sudden, its hurt just to be around it. Shut up, this analogy will work.
Anyway, I hurriedly opened my door and threw my bags inside, rushing in for fear of the stench following me through the door. To my great horror, the stench was worse inside! If it was the Diceman in the hallway, it was Black Gallagher in the apartment. It was that bad.
I immediately suspected the refrigerator was the culprit. The stench grew voluminously as I closed in, and when I opened the door, it knocked my wicker cowboy hat embroidered with the slogan "Keep Austin Weird" clean off my head. Or maybe it came off when my head hit the floor. I don't really remember...
When I came to, I had a vision, a premonition. In late December of 2007, Creighton would play host to a team that stinks as badly as the spoiled chicken in my fridge that day. I was sorta fuzzy from my head making solid contact with laminate flooring, so all I could make out in the vision were the words "North Carolina". When I told people about this vision, they were concerned for my sanity. Not because North Carolina would potentially stink as badly as spoiled chicken, but the fact that I was sure the vision said they would be playing in Omaha. UNC might one day stink, but they would never play in Omaha! That's just crazy talk!
The schedule came out this year, and suddenly things cleared up. North Carolina Central! A ha! A 1-12 team that legitimately stinks in a manner comparable to spoiled chicken in a broken refrigerator, playing in Omaha!
Well then.
Prediction: Jays 107, UNC-C 28
Leave a comment