EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, BCS troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.
Evading the dreaded BCS Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Creighton and Nevada have established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Renomaha. The evil lord Darth Packer, obsessed with destroying the rebellion, has dispatched thousands of his followers to persuade the NCAA Committee to pit them against each other, ensuring the group of freedom fighters will be halved after the first day...
Clearly, Darth Packer and his Imperial Starfleet of BCS homers, apologists and butt-kissers have turned the tide against the Rebellion. When the mid-major teams were just the nice story of the first weekend, Darth Packer and his minions were too busy fawning over Duke and Kansas to notice. But when the Rebellion crashed the second weekend and -- gasp! -- the third weekend at the Final Four, Darth Packer could no longer ignore them. It was time to quash the Rebellion once and for all.
In 2004, 12 mid-majors received at-large bids. In 2005, it was 9. In 2006, it was 8. This year, its 6.
You see, after the mockery of 2004 when 12 of the 34 at-large spots were taken by teams that Darth Packer had never heard of, something had to be done. So he consulted Emperor Nantz and determined a new, more powerful DEATH STAR must be built to destroy the rebellion's weaponry -- namely, the RPI.
The relentless assault on Rebellion Preservation Index by Darth Packer and Emperor Nantz was too much for the Rebellion to stop. The RPI, an ancient religion that surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the college basketball galaxy together, was beginning to be doubted and even marginalized by the very people who had once championed it.
The Rebellion's defense mechanisms allowed the strongest of their ilk -- Southern Illinois, Nevada, Butler, Obi Wan Creighton and Qui-Gonzaga-Jinn -- to keep their RPI's above the hostile fire. But sadly, others such as Missouri State and Drexel were not strong enough to survive the assault, and perished in the battle.
In just four years, the number of at-large teams Darth Packer had never heard of had been cut in half. Inferior teams who had embraced the Dark Side, such as Arkansas, Illinois, Purdue and Stanford, were allowed to survive, while teams clinging to the ideals of the RPI were left destroyed by the fury of the Death Star.
Those that survived the Death Star's assault did not escape unscathed, however. Creighton, after learning that Darth Packer is actually its father, had its' right hand severed by Darth Packer in a game of SABER. Southern Illinois, after learning of the secret love of Princess Barry Hinson, was encased in Carbonite and sent back to Champaign by way of Carbondale as payment to the notorious bounty hunter Boba "Bruce" Weber.
But Butler, after losing its beloved Millennium Bulldog ship to Southern Illinois in a wager over a card game, was set to command its' old ship once more to save the Rebellion and restore order to the college basketball galaxy.
Coming soon...
EPISODE VI: Return of the Jays...
You bet.
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