Since I can't quite figure out what the hell happened in this game -- which is probably the result of sneaking into the UNI party at Old Chicago before the game, where its a distinct possibility that my drink was spiked -- this recap is going to use what we writers call "gimmicks". Lots of them. It will be pathetic. It will be awesome. It will suck. Pathewsomeck. There's the first gimmick: inventing a new word!
Dearest Mr. Fro,
I'm tragically disappointed that you have decided eating Mini Donuts before or during a Creighton game brings the team bad luck. Further, I was saddened to read that you will no longer be wolfing down the delicious Mini Donuts that bear my name. I want to earn your trust and bring you back in, so let me know what I can do to help?
If you're interested, drop us a line at (email removed) and we'll do our best!
Cheers,
Mr. Mi-Ni Donut, Esq.
My response:
Dearest Mr. Donut (but not THAT Mr. Donut),
I too am disappointed that I can no longer eat Mini Donuts at Creighton games. Throwing the excess verb action of that "tragically" is bringing in that sentence is a bit much, but I digress. I like Mini Donuts, especially with cinnamon sugar. But I like seeing the Jays win infinitely more than I like Mini Donuts. And your donuts are bad luck.
Besides, I've already found someone new, someone who brings good luck to the Jays while still filling my tummy with delicious junk food goodness. Before you ask, its not your older sister Funnel Cake. I was flattered by her attempts at seduction, and intrigued by the possibility of the appearance on the Jerry Springer show that would ultimately result, but in the end, I just liked Cheese E. Pretzel more. I'm sorry you had to find out like this.
You bet,
Mr. Fro
Gimmick #2: Writing a fake letter from an imaginary person inspired by semi-real events, and then responding to it.
--
I don't know much about algebra, and I don't know much about psychology. But I do know that this is freaking dominant:
Seriously, someone in the CU student section needs to do this. Everybody likes the Truffle Shuffle, unless you're trying to shoot free throws with it in your line-of-sight. Talk about distracting. And awesome. Distracting and awesome. You bet.
Gimmick #3 -- embedding a random YouTube clip into your post.
***
So I've been trying to get my arms around this game, and the more I ponder it, the more I realize how odd a game it was. To the naked eye, Creighton got killed on the boards by Eric Coleman and Grant Stout, but the stats do not reflect this -- to the contrary, CU outrebounded them 32-29. Creighton trailed for practically every moment of the first 34 minutes of the game, and then won by double digits and somehow covered the ridiculous 9-point spread.
One thing I know for sure: the referees in this game were terrible.
I'm adding the three referees from the game (Paul Janssen, Randy Heimerman, Doug Sirmons) to the list of people I'm putting "On Notice!".
Gimmick #4 -- Borrowing jokes from Stephen Colbert
My gripe with them is this: call the game consistently. I don't care if you're going to call it tight, if you're gonna let 'em play, or somewhere in between. But from possession to possession, the players, coaches and fans have a right to know what to expect. How can you adjust when you're not sure what will and won't be whistled? Just one example:
In the second half, Nick Porter drove inside, got whacked on the arm while shooting, and missed...no call. Dane Watts rebounds, shoots, is hacked...no call. Tolliver rebounds, shoots, gets killed...no call. UNI clears, and while running the fast break, Funk is whistled for a hand-check. I mean, wow. Just...wow. I don't even know what you were watching but I bet it was AWESOME!!!
Gimmick #5 -- Appealing to Star Wars geeks
Trailing 33-28 at the half, the Jays did exactly what they had done against Evansville a week prior -- strap jet engines to their uniforms and streak out to a lead before the first TV timeout. In this case, by the 16:33 mark, it was 39-37 Jays. Nick Porter provided 6 points and an assist during the 11-4 run, but he was just getting started.
UNI took the lead right back, and led for a good portion of the next seven minutes, never by more than 3. Over the last 10 minutes of the game, Creighton ratcheted up the defense and held the Flying Squirrels to just five points over the last 9:33. Five points in 10 minutes, and no field goals from the 9:33 mark until just 12 seconds were left in the game? Yeah, that's how you turn a deficit into a double-digit win, baby!
Gimmick #6 -- Using totally random uber-kewl image of clapping hands with 70s-era logos
Gimmick #6 -- Misspelling "kewl" intentionally
Big Shot Watts was again money, hitting the deciding three-pointer that gave the Jays a 52-50 lead at the 6:06 mark. From there, the Jays would continue to build their lead and hold on for a 66-55 win.
Over the last five minutes, Tolliver had four blocks.
You bet.
***
Seriously, there can be no debate as to who gets the Polyfro Heee-Haw Player of the Game here. Nick Porter had a career-high 21 points on 6-9 shooting, 9-10 from the charity stripe, 8 rebounds, 5 assists in 33 minutes. There were 6 turnovers, but that's just part of the package. We know Nick likes to keep things interesting. But does he like Heee-Haw Soft Drink? I hope so, because he's the Heee-Haw Player of the Game!
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