Wednesday, I was at Hy-Vee picking up some hamburger for the grill, because anytime it gets above 40 degrees I’m grilling and that’s all there is to it. Actually, as long as there isn’t snow on the deck, I’ll be out there. I even installed a light above my grill so that I can grill at night! You bet.
Anyway, I’m browsing through the cheese aisle, when I see someone who looks exactly like Cliff Glypha. I mean EXACTLY like him. And they live right down the street, so it was entirely feasible for him to be in there. And the stuff in his basket, well, it looked like the kind of stuff Cliff Glypha would buy.
Rather than walk up and say what’s up, I decided to mess with him. I walked behind him and started whispering his name. Glypha. No response. Again. No response.
I dropped a plastic jar from four feet above the floor right behind him, thinking it might scare the bejeezus out of him. Well, it did…except it wasn’t Cliff Glypha. Just some random dude who looked a lot like him from behind. Try explaining that one to a stranger and not come off looking like the biggest weirdo ever!
You bet.
Archive for » February, 2008 «
From time to time, I like looking at my webstats to see what people search for when they arrive at this site. Here’s some of my favorite searches this month.
Showbiz Pizza
SI Swimsuit Issue
Lando Calrissian
Rudy Washington Rebounding Book
Cloud City
Lohan nude photo shoot
Mr. Tarkanian the boss from hell
over the top stallone
steve francis dunk
I mean, that’s some weird stuff. I’m pretty sure I’ve never written about HALF of that stuff, especially #2 on the list. As for Rudy Washington, its news to me that the former Drake basketball coach has a book on rebounding…so if you came here looking for it, sorry. The, uh, #6 on that list…Dick Herculanum would butcher me with a battle axe if I hosted that kind of stuff here. Like I say, bizarre stuff. Entertaining to look at though. The list! What did you think I meant? You bet.
So here’s something crazy. No, not that this is the 875th post in the long and illustrious history of this blog. Although that is pretty crazy.
I had someone send me an email about six months ago asking me if I would be willing to sell my domain name to them. Yeah, someone — we’ll call him “Lars Moronica” for the sake of confidentiality — actually wanted to buy polyfro.com from me. Go to Google sometime and search for Polyfro — do the results look like something anyone would want to buy? Usually when spammers or domain hustlers look to buy names, they want popular, common words that will drive traffic to their spyware-infested dungeons of horror. Polyfro?
Its shocking because, well, how do I say this…ITS A MADE UP WORD. I invented it one day, out of nothing. That’s why when you search Google, the end-all-be-all of all data in the entire UNIVERSE, you can go tens of pages deep before finding anything not somehow related to this site or to me personally. Because I invented the word. Come to think of it, there’s lots of words I’m responsible for.
(Technically, that DJ at that techno club where I once wore the Afro Wig to originally coined the term. But I don’t think he remembers that, and besides, I don’t know who that dude is even if I wanted to thank him.)
People say that professional sports aren’t the same as they used to be. I mean, can you imagine a team recording the Super Bowl Shuffle now? At the time, it was actually in the rotation on MTV and was somewhat taken seriously (although everyone pretty much knew how ridiculous it was). When you consider it was recorded before they had won the NFC Championship, though, it seems a bit presumptuous. Hell, its perhaps the greatest single piece of smack talk ever. I’m sorry Dick, but yes, its better than your boy Shannon Sharpe calling in the National Guard as the Broncos beat up on the Patriots in 1996.
Granted, that was pretty good. Caught by NFL Films yelling into a sideline phone to, presumably, no one, their microphones picked up on this:
“Mr. President, call in the National Guard! Send as many men as you can spare! Because we are killing the Patriots! They need emergency help!”
Hey, everybody makes mistakes. I made one driving down West Maple Monday night, underestimating the ice on the roads. I was heading to the grocery store to get a bucket of fried chicken, because fried chicken is tasty, and because I never keep more than a days’ worth of food in the house, so I had no choice.
I was rolling down the street, rockin’ out to Interpol, and to be honest I believed I was driving a prudent speed. I wasn’t driving the limit, I can tell you that. But as the light changed quickly, I applied the brakes…and nothing. My car started skidding out, the intersection was approaching, and there was no time to think. Just time to react.
Lucky thing I’m so dominant. I turned the wheel in the direction of the skid, just like I learned in Drivers Ed the one day I didn’t sleep through class 12 years ago, and straightened the car out. Problem was, I was only marginally slowing down. So I made a rash decision.