I first heard about Burger King putting out video games for $3.99 last week. My brother claimed they were for PS2 or Xbox, but it turns out they’re only for Xbox, which stinks. My friends have been trying to convince me to buy a 360 — one of them went so far as to say, “We’re all married and can’t get permission to buy one, so as the last single guy you have a responsibility to the rest of us to buy a 360.”

Right. You bet.

I’m a Sony guy — although I’ll probably balk at the $599 price tag on a PS3 too. It would look sweet on that big screen HD in my basement, but that’s expensive, man.

So back to these BK Games. There’s apparently three different games: Sneak King, where you sneak up on unsuspecting people and hand them a burger; Pocket Bike Racer, where The King races other characters including the Subservient Chicken on pocket bikes; and Big Bumpin’, where The King drives a bumper car. Dammit anyway, this is making me upset over my steadfast refusal to allow anything Microsoft into my house.

Its always amusing to go back to your old hometown, and run into old friends, acquaintances, and people you’d rather never see for the rest of your life. You could put “Random Punk I Beat Up In Fifth Grade” in the latter category, as well as “Random Punk Who Beat Me Up In Sixth Grade”. Also, “Psycho Sophomore Year Girlfriend” and “Slightly Less Psycho Junior Year Girlfriend” would go in the latter category. However, “That Weird Guy From Homeroom” is strangely no longer in that category, although in the interest of full disclosure, this has little to do with him, and everything to do with the fact that his wife is really hot.

Still though, when I was home for Thanksgiving this weekend, I ran into someone that got me to thinking “What If?” The set-up for this will be the first in a new series of Wood Grains “Old Man Peabody” Stories. Old Man Peabody being the old man in Back To The Future who had the crazy idea of breeding pine trees, sold the land that would become Twin Pines Mall (and later Lone Pine Mall), and was the guy whose barn Marty McFly crashed the DeLorean into when he arrived in 1955. In other words, its time for a trip in the time machine as I tell some classic stories from way back.

My buddy Dick Herculanum sent me a PDF of an ad for K-Mart’s after Thanksgiving sale this week, telling me “its the funniest ad ever for the holiday season”. After seeing it, I agree.

On the front page, they have four movies featured at the great price of $3.99, presumably to entice you to wait in line to shop on Friday. What are the movies? After the jump, I’ll show you!

A ha! Bet you thought I was gonna say Taxi, didn’t you? Silly you.

Nope — Rocky V. And the weird thing is, I can’t figure out how they’re selling it on DVD already, when it isn’t even released in theaters until Christmas. Did the studio opt to release it Direct-To-Video and I just missed the announcement? Is this a bootleg video from China? My head is going to explode.

Dick thinks it might be a typo — its a Two-Pack featuring the original Rocky movie AND the pilot for the old TV series “V”.

You know what I think it is? A crappy remake of the first four Rocky movies, all condensed into one 90-minute crapfest. Starring Ben Affleck as Rocky Balboa, Marlon Wayans as Apollo Creed, Tara Reid as Adrian, and Jerry Stiller as Micky. With a special cameo by The Hoff as Thunderlips, the role made famous by Hulk Hogan. And an extra-special cameo by Mr. T as Clubber Lang, the role made famous by, well, Mr. T.

You bet.

(Incidentally, I’d be excited about that $3.99 copy of Dirty Dancing, but I’ve already got 401,000 copies. Its called my 401K plan. Those things are worth GOLD, baby.)

“So let me get this straight. Your team had the MVP, the Cy Young, AND the batting champion…and you still couldn’t even win single game in the playoffs?”

Ouch. That hurts, I’m not going to lie to you. Yesterday, in a shocking upset (shocking!) <a href=”http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2670876″>Twins slugger Justin Morneau won the MVP</a> over Yankee Derek Jeter. This means the Twins now, according to postseason awards, now have the best position player, the best pitcher, and the best hitter.

When they were stinking it up for the better part of a decade from 1993-2001, I never would have imagined. What’s more, vote-wise they had 3 of the top 7 in the MVP voting. Wow. Justin Morneau, Johan Santana and Joe Mauer. That’s a helluva trio, there.

They become the first team in the history of baseball to have the MVP, Cy Young and batting champ and have all three won by different players. (Three times before, a team had all three award winners in a year but one player won more than one award).

Maybe its only interesting to me, but Ryan Howard, the NL MVP, and Morneau, the AL MVP, make a combined 750K because of their relative youth and inexperience. Talk about your bargains.

But back to Detroit Rock City. Yeah, buddy, you’re right. The Twins had the best player, the best pitcher and the best hitter and got swept in the playoffs. You want to tell me that again, or is once enough? That’s what I thought.

You bet.